We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
