So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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