i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
