I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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