i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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