I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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