Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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