"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Green mimosas i think yes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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