No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
