yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
