Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
