The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
