Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
