it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
