went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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