So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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