All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
