The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
