i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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