he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
