Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
