I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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