Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
