he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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