dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
