somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
