I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
