I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
