Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Send help, water and tortillas.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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