i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
