I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
