i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
