Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
