my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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