u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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