We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
