it hurts more in the daytime
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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