Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
