He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
