Christians are straight up FREAKS
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We talked him into tasing himself.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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