You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
