Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
