i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
