where am i from again
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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