I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
