Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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