I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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