we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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