last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
