I'm jealous of your bromance
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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