we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So apparently I’m into choking now
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