Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
