I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
