I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
