this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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