This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
