Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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