He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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