If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
