a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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