"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
