he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
