Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
